can we have a pool, dad?: January 2017

homer simpson clucking and flapping his arms like a chicken

Come on. I dare you. Chicken.

And now, my exclusive interview with his Holiness, Pope John Paul II.

And now, my exclusive interview with his Holiness, Pope John Paul II.

maggie simpson sucking on a laramie cigarette

Congratulations Lisa. You're the new Little Miss Springfield.

lisa simpson's little miss springfield crown emitting smoke

Congratulations Lisa. You're the new Little Miss Springfield.

Coming up next, a new fad that's sweeping the nation: wasting food.

Coming up next, a new fad that's sweeping the nation: wasting food.

lisa simpson dancing and pumping her fist

Left a good job in the city, workin' for the man every night and day...

There's nothing to it. Gimme those heels.

bart simpson eyeing lisa simpson's high heels

There's nothing to it. Gimme those heels.

Ooh, shudder!

choreographer getting angry and frustrated with the little miss springfield contestants dance number

I said step-pause-turn-pause-pivot-step-step, not step-pause-turn-pause-pivot-step-pause! Ooh, shudder!

I'll take you to the beauty parlor and show you just how lovely you can be.

marge simpson petting lisa simpson on the head

Marge: This afternoon, I'll take you to the beauty parlor and show you just how lovely you can be.

Bart: And later I'll teach you the tricks of the trade: taping your swimsuit to your butt, petroleum jelly on your teeth for that frictionless smile, and the ancient art of padding.

Wait. She's about to bring out the big guns.

Ramona: Amber Dempsey.

Bitsy: In the same week she was "Pork Princess" and "Little Miss Kosher."

Lisa: She's beautiful.

Ramona: Wait. She's about to bring out the big guns.

Bitsy: Eyelash implants.

Lisa: I thought those were illegal.

Bitsy: Not in Paraguay.

bart simpson hitting the table saying "hubba hubba"

Ha, ha, you lose!

booth person at carnival incorrectly guessing homer simpson's age and weight, while homer simpson is patting himself on his belly

Booth Person: I'd say... 53 years old and 420 pounds.

Homer: Ha, ha, you lose! 36 and 239!

nelson muntz spraying his water gun at martin prince in the face

Kids, let me tell you about another so-called "wicked" guy.

Marge: I have a responsibility to raise these children right. And unless you change, I'll have to tell them their father is... well, wicked.

Homer: Kids, let me tell you about another so-called "wicked" guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas and he didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was-- I forget. But the point is-- uh, I forget that too. Marge, you know who I'm talking about. He used to drive that blue car.