Smithers, I keep my friends close and my enemies even closer. He'll slowly regain his confidence as the months and years drift by, blissfully unaware that the sword of Damocles is dangling just above his head. And then one day... when he least expects it --
Horst: All right, Mr. Burns. You win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared. Ooh, the Germans. Uh-oh, the Germans are coming to get me.
Horst: Stop that!
Hans: Stop it, please.
Mr. Burns: Oh, don't let the Germans come after me!
Hans: Please stop the pretending you are scared game.
Mr. Burns: Oh no, the Germans are coming after me. Oh, no, they're so big and strong.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns: Protect me from the Germans!
Horst: Burns, stop it!
Ah, the mirthless laugh of the damned. Hold your nose, Smithers, we're going in!
Every teddy bear who's been good is sure of a treat today
There's lots of marvelous things to eat, and wonderful games to play
Beneath the trees, where nobody sees
They'll hide and seek as long as they please
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic!
Lousy German know-it-alls. Who are they to say I'm not safe?
Attention, workers. We have completed our evaluation of the plant. We regret to announce the following lay-offs, which I will read in alphabetical order. Simpson, Homer. That is all.
Horst: Do we have any alcoholics among us?
Employee 1: Uh, me.
Employee 2: Right here.
Employee 3: Uh, I'm drunk right now.
Horst: You'll be given a six-week treatment at our drying out facility in Hawaii, after which you'll return at full pay.
Employee 1: Oh, great!
Employee 2: Great!
Employee 3: Hey, maybe I'll marry Elizabeth Taylor.
Homer: Lucky drunks.
Homer: What should I do?
Stockbroker: Well, let me put it this way. You'll get twenty-five dollars if you sell now.
Homer: Sell! Sell! Sell! Woo hoo! Twenty-five dollars! Ooooh...
Stockbroker: Homer, it's your stockbroker. Your stock in the power plant just went up for the first time in ten years.
Homer: I own stock?
Stockbroker: Yes, all the employees got some in exchange for waiving certain constitutional rights.
Mr. Burns: Snappy, you know it's hard to imagine, but I was once a barefoot boy with cheek of tan. I dreamed of grand slam homeruns and wiping out nations with the stroke of a pen.
Smithers as Snappy: Well there's still time for all those things, sir.
Mr. Burns: Is there? Controlled nuclear fission is a demanding mistress, Snappy.
Smithers: Sir, I feel there's something you're not telling me. Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable talking to Snappy the Alligator.
Mr. Burns: Maybe...
Smithers as Snappy: Hello, Mr. Burns.
Smithers: What's wrong sir, did I get some in your eyes? The shampoo specifically said "No More Tears."
Mr. Burns: A lovely promise, but one beyond the powers of a mere shampoo.
Smithers: It's a breakthrough product, sir: scientifically formulated to rinse clean with no oily deposits.
Mr. Burns: [bored] Hot dog.
Smithers: And it's mild enough to use every day!
Mr. Burns: [tired] Isn't life grand?
