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Hey, as long as he's got eight fingers and eight toes, he's fine by me.
Homer: They get donuts?
Driver: That's right. All the colors of the rainbow!
Homer: Wowww.
Homer: Aaah! I quit! I quit!
Boss: I thought you said you liked dogs.
Homer: Good evening, Madame. You have been selected by the good people of Slash-Co to reap the benefits of their new Nev-R-Dull knife edge. Here... shake hands with the Slash-Co.
Elderly Lady: Aaah!
Homer: (to self) Handle first, handle first...
Smithers: We only have two openings, so I'm afraid one of you will have to go home empty-handed... But it won't be my old frat buddy, Lou Collier! How ya doin', you old Alpha Tau!
Lou Collier: Smithers, you keg-meister, you!
Be sure to get this punched every time. The tenth wedding is on the house.
Finally, the big day came. We didn't have much money, so we went to a quaint little chapel just across the state line.
Homer: So, will you marry me?
Marge: Yes!
Homer: Woo hoo! Woo hoo! Yeah! She's gonna marry me. In your face, everybody! Woo hoo!
Homer: Marge, there's something I want to ask you. But I'm afraid, because if you say "no" it'll destroy me and make me a criminal.
Marge: Well, I haven't said "no" to you lately, have I?
Homer: Marge, I... Damn it, where's that card?
Marge: What card?
Homer: Oh, I wrote down what I was gonna say on a card. Stupid thing must have fallen out of my pocket.
Marge: Is this it?
Homer: What's it say?
Marge: "Marge, from the first moment I saw you I never wanted to be with anyone else. I don't have much to offer you... except all my love. Will you marry me?"
Homer: That's the card. Give it here.
Marge: Oh, Homer this is the most beautiful moment of my life!
Smithers, I keep my friends close and my enemies even closer. He'll slowly regain his confidence as the months and years drift by, blissfully unaware that the sword of Damocles is dangling just above his head. And then one day... when he least expects it --
Horst: All right, Mr. Burns. You win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared. Ooh, the Germans. Uh-oh, the Germans are coming to get me.
Horst: Stop that!
Hans: Stop it, please.
Mr. Burns: Oh, don't let the Germans come after me!
Hans: Please stop the pretending you are scared game.
Mr. Burns: Oh no, the Germans are coming after me. Oh, no, they're so big and strong.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns: Protect me from the Germans!
Horst: Burns, stop it!
Ah, the mirthless laugh of the damned. Hold your nose, Smithers, we're going in!
Every teddy bear who's been good is sure of a treat today
There's lots of marvelous things to eat, and wonderful games to play
Beneath the trees, where nobody sees
They'll hide and seek as long as they please
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic!
Lousy German know-it-alls. Who are they to say I'm not safe?
Attention, workers. We have completed our evaluation of the plant. We regret to announce the following lay-offs, which I will read in alphabetical order. Simpson, Homer. That is all.
Horst: Do we have any alcoholics among us?
Employee 1: Uh, me.
Employee 2: Right here.
Employee 3: Uh, I'm drunk right now.
Horst: You'll be given a six-week treatment at our drying out facility in Hawaii, after which you'll return at full pay.
Employee 1: Oh, great!
Employee 2: Great!
Employee 3: Hey, maybe I'll marry Elizabeth Taylor.
Homer: Lucky drunks.
Homer: What should I do?
Stockbroker: Well, let me put it this way. You'll get twenty-five dollars if you sell now.
Homer: Sell! Sell! Sell! Woo hoo! Twenty-five dollars! Ooooh...
Stockbroker: Homer, it's your stockbroker. Your stock in the power plant just went up for the first time in ten years.
Homer: I own stock?
Stockbroker: Yes, all the employees got some in exchange for waiving certain constitutional rights.
