Hypnotist: You are all very good players.
All the players: [hypnotized] We are all very good players.
Hypnotist: You will beat Shelbyville.
All the players: [hypnotized] We will beat Shelbyville.
Hypnotist: You will give one hundred and ten percent.
All the players: [hypnotized] That's impossible. No one can give more than one hundred percent. By definition that is the most any one can give.
Smithers: What are you going to do with your million dollars, sir?
Mr. Burns: Oh, I don't know. Throw it on the pile, I suppose.
Wow! It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited.
And now I'd like to introduce the new members of our happy power plant family. Our new security guard Roger Clemens, our new janitor Wade Boggs, our new lunchroom cashier Ken Griffey, Jr., our new, well uh, we'll make up jobs for these fellows later. Please say hello to Steve Sax, Don Mattingly, Darryl Strawberry, Ozzie Smith, Mike Scioscia, and Jose Canseco. Oh, by the way, you new fellows, there's a sign up sheet for the company softball team on the bulletin board over there. Eh, just in case you wish to play.
Smithers: How would you like to be a ringer on a small-town company softball team?
Steve Sax: Would I!
Mr. Burns: Did you hear that, Ari? My boys need only to thump your tub and the title is ours.
Ari: Ha!! The gladiators from my power plant will crush your team like nine flabby grapes.
And the next man wants to hit the ball too. And he does. And there he goes, off in that direction. And everyone is happy.
I put my homemade football on hold and set to work making the world's greatest bat.
[calmly] Fiddle dee dee. That will require a tetanus shot.
Mrs. Krabappel: "Dear Woodrow, it's time for us to meet. Why don't we go out to dinner and afterward we can go to my apartment for some home cookin'."
Bart: Huh? [realizing] Ay, caramba!
Homer: Well Marge, self-improvement has always been a passion of mine. Bring on the swear jar. Do I have to pay if I hit my hand with the hammer?
Marge: Yes, Homer.
Homer: What if I catch on fire?
Marge: No, Homer.
Homer: What if I see something really weird in the sky?
Marge: Yes, Homer.
Homer: What about when we snuggle?
Marge: Uh... that's okay.
If he's got everything where it should be, I'm reelin' him in.
Mrs. Krabappel: "Dear Woodrow, I must admit I'm intrigued. You're not like the other men I've met."
Bart: Yeah. I'm the 28th President of the United States.
Mrs. Krabappel: "But, I've had some bad experiences with these ads. So, I'd like to learn more about you. Please write back soon. Here's a photo that'll get your pencil moving."
Marge: Maybe we should let the dog in.
Homer: Marge, dogs love the outdoors.
Marge: I think he needs a dog house.
Homer: Yeah, but what're ya gonna do?
Marge: I'll bet we could buy a nice dog house for fifty dollars.
Homer: Marge, you're a tool of the dog house makers.
Marge: I am not!
Homer: Yes, you are. You've been brainwashed by all those dog house commercials on TV.
This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius! Age of Aquarius! Aquarius!
Miss Hoover: I question the educational value of this assembly.
Mrs. Krabappel: Hey, it'll be one of their few pleasant memories when they're pumpin' gas for a living.
Bart: Those guys must be millionaires!
Nelson: I'll bet they get all kinds of girls!
Kids, this is a yo-yo. Kinda dull, huh? Not much competition for a video game... Or is it!? Presenting, the Twirl King Champions!
People... people... Allllll right. You know I can wait just as long as you. [Crosses his arms and waits, then] Knock it off!
Mrs. Krabappel: One scratch and win, Apu.
Apu: Mrs. Krabappel, I haven't seen you since we doubled our prices. Still teaching?
Mrs. Krabappel: Let's see.
